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Young, educated, beautiful - but still single!

9/8/2011

17 Comments

 
Education is the goal of many Muslim parents in the modern age - for both sons and daughters. However, there is a terrible tragedy awaiting the young girls throughout Europe, Australia and the Americas, who succeed in gaining an education and a professional position in society. It seems that they are not wanted for marriage.
As I have travelled to international conferences about Islam in many different countries, it seems that the number of attendees who are female increase each time. At a recent retreat there were three times as many women as men attending this intensive Islamic education opportunity. Unfortunately, many of them attended alone. Their story was often the same - either married and then divorced, or unable to find a suitable partner. 
For those who married, the story was again often the same. The marriage was progressing well, the husband loved his wife, but the wife fell foul of the mother-in-law. "She's too big for her boots", "She's too independent" were common allegations against the young wife. Ultimately, the men gave in to the demands of their mother and for peace of mind, divorced the young wife. A more compliant wife from a more culturally traditional family was then chosen as a replacement. 
Similarly, young men looking for wives are discouraged from choosing eligible brides from the local Western community. The husband's family has conditioned the young men to believe that they are not suitable or again, they might consider them to be too independent. 
So what are these mothers in law afraid of? Muslim women from a cultural background who have moved to a Western country spend the majority of their lives caring for their family. They have little outside interests, often do not pursue a career, and have little in the way of hobbies or other activities to keep them busy outside of the home or cultural area. Unlike the common Western situation where parents can't wait for their children to 'leave the nest', Muslim 'cultural mums' dread this occasion. Their lives would suddenly become empty, and they fear the day that the children they have spent their lives caring for would desert them. A young professional man who marries an educated, professional woman is unlikely to consult with his mother on the affairs of his life, is likely to travel the world, move to a different area following either his or her profession, and will consult with his spouse on matters of family, finance and religion. A  bride from a more culturally traditional background however, would expect her in-laws to be consulted on most matters, who defer in opinion to them, and would accept their active involvement in her family life. The mother-in-law could maintain her active involvement in the children's lives, and control over her son. 
17 Comments
Jamila
2/9/2011 10:12:23 am

Salaams, I think this article is a little unfair to mothers in law, who are just as varied as anyone else in the community. Some ms-in-law might have this attitude, but there are other factors. Some men feel their status is threatened by a woman who is better educated or apparently more materially successful than them; some men still want to demand absolute obedience from the wife and want to restrict her activities and interests. There are many causes of marriage breakdown, not all of them the fault of the mother in law. BTW my 5 daughters in law are lovely people.

Reply
Salwa Kirk
2/9/2011 12:23:59 pm

It seem that the hand that rocks the cradle sometimes just keeps on rocking. What independent, well educated woman would want to marry a man so much under his mother's thumb, or so acculturated to an exaggerated devotion to her.

Does anyone know if this is endemic in all Muslim societies, or more prevalent in some ethnic backgrounds that others?

Reply
eberjey link
14/5/2012 03:18:34 pm

I am feeling good to post this comment here, this is such a enjoyable moment and I want to visit this website again.

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A_very_sad_bride
7/10/2012 08:31:09 pm

I married an educated Muslim man and my wedding present was to be a carer for his mother without my consent. I am an Australian girl and feel like I'm in prison. My wedding my 4 months ago and although I had planned my honeymoon I had to cancel because of her. I cry everyday and sometimes feel like I want to die. He works away so I'm left with her all alone. I don't speak Arabic therefore we don't understand each other. I am expected to be her slave and serve her at all times. She plays the victim with him and he feels sorry for her. She has 3 daughters that live in another State, they are older, married and their kids are grown up. I'm just a young bride, no children yet and seriously considering not having any because of this situation. She reports EVERYTHING to her daughters on a daily basis.

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Maria Crystal-Paige
22/1/2013 08:47:17 am

Hi there,
Just read your letter & I really feel for you. You are wise to think v. seriously about not wanting to bring children into the current miserable environment of your marriage. It sounds like you feel you have v. few rights as the wife & daughter-in-law & are in a bit of shock to find yourself in this unexpected situation. All I can say to you as a woman who was brought up in a culture where I had virtually no rights & had to escape it & have spent a lifetime recovering from it, is this. You are still young. Clarify what your husband & his culture expects of you as a woman/wife & be v. honest with yourself about whether this is how you want to live your life.You are still young & have your whole life ahead of you. Never forget that you never have to do what you don't want to & you always have the choice to act on your own behalf to do what is right for you.You are still young & have your whole life ahead of you I wish you courage & the best outcome.

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Ahmed link
31/1/2013 02:06:39 am

hello am Ahmed from Egypt i and i look for
Young, educated, beautiful - but still single! to marriage

Reply
Muhammad
17/3/2013 08:55:24 am

Salam i am a vet living in WA. I am very keen to marry a reverted muslim girl here. I want to live my life as a true follower of Islam. 0452338180 thanx

Reply
abdel hak
19/4/2013 05:26:02 pm

Im a muslim, i live in germany and i want to marry a muslima inchallah,dont worry my mother is not living with me :-)will not be a problem.im ready to go down under if nesessery.

Reply
if
25/6/2013 07:10:49 pm

Reply
Khalid
21/7/2013 11:23:49 pm

As Salam walaikum..
Recently finished my education from Canada and have been working as a pastry chef planning to migrate to Australia. Wish to marry converts and be helpful and supportive and follow Islam ..
And desire to have a scholar from my blood..
Please feel free to b in touch
Khalidnisar1203@gmail.com
011-91-9845316446
As Salam walaikum

Reply
Md fahad hossain
2/9/2013 09:39:57 pm

salam all muslim sister.my name is fahad .i m living in sydney nearly 7years and I m looking for a hossnst revert mulima to get married.pls any enquires call me on 0423420835.jajak allah khair.

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medhat link
3/9/2013 10:55:21 am

Salam alekom warahmat Allah wabarakato
My name is medhat I have been here for about 20 years. Have a family but had a lot of turbulence into my life including my career as overseas doctor
I need a kind reverted mature beautiful muslima who understands and listing and vice versa.
I am alhumd Allah Haj and I wish if I am good Muslim
Plz call me 0404367575 GZK

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Abdi Fateh
2/10/2013 12:09:40 am

Hi, I am Abdifateh Mohd, i am living in Malaysia where i am finishing my Master Degree in this upcoming year. I am very keen and wanted to marry , but that can happen when Alllah wills. I am looking for a good Muslimah whoz educated and very pious to Allah.

here is my E-mail: afgashade@gmail.com

Reply
Timothy link
24/1/2014 12:53:44 pm

You gave honest ideas there. I did a search on the issue and got most peoples will agree with your blog.

Reply
sakinah
8/10/2014 01:04:39 pm

Do muslims have inter-racial marriages? Like african and another race?

Reply
Ahmed
20/11/2014 04:28:31 am

Yes sister inter- racial marriage is allowed in Islam

Reply
Someone Weird
11/4/2015 10:58:14 am

Lol I dont know how I found myself here, I just typed in the words 'Single Muslims Australia'. Anyway, just reading some of the comments made me more aware of the fact that we need to establish some sort of Australian Muslim Singles initiative here. There may be so many singles with little or no way of finding other singles! Can a tech savvy individual kindly take on this rewarding task lol

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    Author

    Silma Ihram is an educator, trainer, former School Principal and aspiring writer. 

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